This article is brought to you as part of the ASCAP Wellness Program.

Failure is an inevitable part of life, yet it often feels intensely personal and painful. Whether you’ve missed a deadline, neglected a New Year’s resolution or faced rejection for a dream opportunity, the sting of failure can linger. 

“We live in a society that values productivity and achievement, which amplifies the pressure to succeed,” says Nicole Skinnion, LCSW, a therapist at Sage Therapy. “It takes vulnerability and bravery to put ourselves and our work out there, which can make failure feel so intense. When we don’t succeed, we may internalize the experience as a reflection of our worth or abilities.”

“This can be isolating,” adds Kelsey Collett, LCSW, another therapist at Sage Therapy, who specializes in helping patients process their emotions. “By internalizing the discomfort and experience of failure, we can inadvertently perpetuate feelings of shame, embarrassment and judgment that we believe we can expect from others.”
Music creators are constantly putting their work out there for the world in ways that can make them feel vulnerable and exposed. When you try and fail, it’s normal to experience a range of painful emotions like shock, disappointment, frustration and insecurity – but that doesn’t have to be the end of the story. With the right mindset and some expert-recommended strategies, you can transform your setbacks into important lessons for growth and success. 

1. Learn about resilience

When you fall short of a goal, it’s natural to feel disappointed. However, these moments are also your chance to strengthen your armor, according to Skinnion.
“By viewing failure as an opportunity rather than a reflection of our self-worth, we can develop increased resilience,” she says. This shift in perspective allows you to confront challenges with a mindset focused on learning and adaptation, rather than defeat.


2. Develop your self-awareness

Failure is also an opportunity to become more self-aware, according to Skinnion, who recommends reflecting on your experience as objectively as possible. She suggests asking yourself the following questions:

Answering these questions can help you identify actionable insights for the future, empowering you to face similar challenges with renewed confidence.


3. Help refine your goals

Failure can illuminate areas for improvement in ways that success often cannot. 

“When setting a goal, many people base their success solely on the final outcome,” says Collett. “This creates a binary where success is dictated by whether the outcome happened or not.”

Her recommendation? Set “process goals:” controllable, measurable steps that bring you closer to your outcome. For example, instead of focusing solely on landing a record deal, set smaller, actionable accomplishments like recording a demo or networking with industry professionals.

This approach not only increases your chances of long-term success, says Collett, but also helps sustain motivation by allowing you to celebrate incremental progress and view failure as a natural part of the creative journey.


4. Encourage self-compassion and acceptance 

Experiencing failure can trigger harsh self-criticism, but Skinnion emphasizes the importance of treating yourself with kindness. 

“Practicing self-compassion is essential after experiencing failure,” she says. “Talk to yourself as you would a close friend: Be kind, understanding, and validating. Check in with your capacity levels and give yourself time to rest and recharge if needed.”

Practicing self-compassion can also pave the way for self-acceptance, according to Collett. “We don’t have to be perfect or achieving to be loved, worthy, and accepted,” she says. “In avoiding failure, people perpetuate the narrative that failure is scary and unacceptable. Once they’ve lived it, many come to realize that it might not be as scary as they believed.”


5. Build connection

Failure can feel isolating in a world that celebrates success. However, sharing your experiences with others can foster connection and reduce feelings of shame, according to Collett. 

“Researcher Brené Brown says that ‘shame thrives in the dark,’” she says. “It can feel tempting to retreat away from others, but sharing your experience can allow both a broadened perspective and sincere validation.”

These conversations may open the door to others’ stories of overcoming failure, which can remind you that setbacks are universal and often temporary.


6. Spark creativity

When something doesn’t work, it creates space for innovation and experimentation, which can lead to breakthroughs you might never have discovered otherwise. 

“Failure can show us our blind spots and help us understand how we want to act differently in the future,” says Collett. “It can show us that every attempt is an iterative process by which our skills are refined; that the knowledge and perspective gained from the experience of failing might sometimes be worth the pain of it.” 

As you evaluate what went wrong, let your curiosity guide you toward creative solutions.


7. Reinforce the value of perseverance

Persisting in the face of failure demonstrates your commitment to your craft and your willingness to grow. Each time you pick yourself up and try again, you’re reinforcing a habit of perseverance, which can contribute to your eventual success. 

“Remember to celebrate all the steps you take to reach your ultimate goal,” says Collett. “Consistency and dedication is a feat in its own right.”